Yes, this is it. I will be the gold fish who was in what I needed, water to live but hey, look around, gold fish! There are better environment I could live with! I really need changes in my job. I love being a nurse, this won't change, that's for sure. But I need better place to work. I do love where I work. This is where I started and I will never regret about my current work place. Yet, every morning I have to tell my boys "I see you tomorrow" and that "tomorrow" is only about 30 minutes in busy morning while they are half awake and rushed. Half of time I am yelling at them to hurry up and half of time I am in kitchen busying myself to get their breakfast and lunch ready. 

If I change my job or change shifts, I could stay with boys more often. I miss them so much. I love my daughter and now I am catching up quality time being with her since boys are back to school. 

I have only 1 body with 24 hours a day. I wanna be with my fiance, I just wanna cuddle with him and be together, chatting about our bright future and dream life style. I want to be with my oldest son supporting his future and showing him love. I wanna be with my middle son to show him more of this world. I wanna be with my princess to laugh together all the time. I have so many other people I wanna see but I am just tired. 

I need changes. What can I do? How could I improve quality of my life? What's my priority? What are things I can't miss to do in my life? I don't even have time to think.....

OK, I give myself award. I am going to winery tour on Sunday, just me and moms. I am going to enjoy time and accompany to refresh, this Sunday will be the switch. I am going to be new me. I already became US citizen, changed my name, changing my hair style next week, I am going to be in different element of me. I won't change who I am but I could place myself somewhere I should belong with my loved ones.

Fiance, I am ready to marry you. This will be the best changes of me. I love you and I can't wait to be your wife!!!